Why I Quit My Job Without a Plan
I was raised by my mother, who had agreed to give up her career to raise my siblings and I, and by my father, who gave her a weekly allowance. In my house, money meant power, control and withholding if you did something out of term. Money became a thing I feared and thought would always be in the control of someone else. But I figured that if I did what I was told and “played the game”, I could survive. So I took all this negative programming and navigated my way through the work force, starting with working for an abusive narcissist I was romantically involved with. I literally was playing out the romantic/financial relationship I grew up witnessing. I had no power, no self-esteem and definitely no money. I stayed in that job a little over a year, before I decided to ditch both the job and the guy. I found a job back in my hometown at a car dealership. Definitely a step up financially and way less toxic, but I still felt under appreciated and quickly grew weary. I moved on to another dealership, this one another small financial step up. It seemed that with every job, my sense of self-worth slightly grew and in turn, I slightly made better money. But I kept job-hopping because I always ended up feeling burnt out, undervalued and always barely able to make ends meet. Deep down, I knew I was still saying yes to the first ”good job” I was able to call in, terrified that nothing better would come through. Most recently, I was a paralegal at a law firm. I took the job, despite it paying less than what I wanted because I desperately wanted to leave my restaurant job. I had been there just over a year when the burnout/resentment set in and I reached a financial glass ceiling I could not break. I was being pressured to consider law school (because I would for sure make more money that way) while I was secretly binge listening to as many podcasts about health and spirituality as I could get my hands on. There was a very strong pull into that world and while it captivated me, it also left me feeling completely clueless as to how to break into it. I kept asking the universe to send me a sign and that sign took me all the way to California for a health conference. It was three days packed with incredible speakers, amazing lectures and massive amounts of clarity. I had found my community and the world to which I desperately wanted to be a contributor. When I came back home, I decided to shift my energy toward becoming a health coach. Almost instantaneously, things at work started to go bad. I was missing deadlines and screwing up on the simplest things. No matter how many meetings were held and no matter how many sticky notes I put along my desk, I could not get my act together. I started having chronic headaches and panic attacks. There was a stirring of energy in my body that could not be grounded. One day while sitting in the park, I felt an intuitive knowing that I would either quit or get fired. I realized that by saying yes to health coaching I had said a very clear and deliberate no to my current job. The universe was slowing pushing me out of the proverbial nest. Last week when my bosses called me in for a meeting, I knew it was the moment that I had sensed was coming months earlier. When they asked me if I wanted an opportunity to seek employment elsewhere, without a shred of doubt, I said, “yes”. I gave my notice from a place of deep gratitude and knowing that the time was right. In turn, it was received with the utmost support and understanding. The most recent intuitive download has been to not seek a job immediately. Rather, I am feeling called to wait, continue to trust and to continue putting myself out there in spaces where I can be seen and recognized. It’s a huge pattern break for me - and for my inner child! I also recognize that it's choosing to trust my intuition more than the conditioning of my mind. It’s choosing to believe that if I continue to show up in my power (i.e. my higher self), that opportunities will come. This is a radical and exciting experiment filled with the unknown, but where I feel fear I also feel certainty. Where there is doubt there will inevitably be clarity. And when you show up for the universe it too will show up for you.