Money & Love
I worked with a manifestation coach a few years back who told me that, when it came to manifesting money or love, regardless of which one, they both “work with” the same energy. It took me years to understand how and why, and that love was not just speaking to romantic love.
It took me quitting my paralegal job to realize that this lack mentality and low-self worth resulted in my continuing to manifest low paying, high stress jobs, none of which I enjoyed all that much. It also led to one financial/emotional rut after another. Despite this never ending cycle, I failed to recognize that money and my relationship to it, was very much a relationship and it was one that was leaving me feeling unhappy and bitter. It was why I didn’t manifest great money right away. In fact, I took part-time work that barely paid. It wasn’t the time to be making money; it was time to bring in the love!
How much we think we deserve to be paid, be it salary or hourly, it is so intimately tied into how worthy we feel about the amount we are asking for. I had realized that I personally didn’t think I was worthy of a high number. It was much more a “take what you can get” mentality. More than anything else, I believed that money was hard to make and (unless you were lucky or born rich) you had to hustle, grind and nearly kill yourself to make it. So naturally, this conviction reinforced my weak and passive position when it came to money. To me, it seemed that not only did I have to boost my self-esteem but also had to heal my relationship with money. There was much love that needed to be spread! And when I left my job, a lot of people began pushing all of my buttons when it came to finance. Stepping away from something so “safe” made everyone express feelings of fear and doubt about how I was going to pay my bills. Apparently they too had bad relationships with money. In hearing everyone voicing his or her concerns, I realized that my entire programming around money, was shaped by everyone else, except me. I had no idea how I felt about money at the end of the day – there were too many other people’s voices. I took it as an opportunity to rebuild and to choose to see money as my friend and something that wants to work with me, rather than against me.
While I was doing this work, a lot of my ex-boyfriends began creeping up on my social media and were hovering in the back of my mind. At first I was upset and confused thinking, “how are you still hanging around?”. But then I realized that they were coming to the forefront of my mind because, like with money, these were men who left me feeling unhappy and bitter. The trauma, pain and disappointment from my romantic relationships had to be healed in order for me to see some real changes in my relationship with money. Basically the universe wanted me to tie up loose ends with anything that was keeping me feeling shitty or small.
So along with doing inventory on past boyfriends I also had to reinforce neglected boundaries with family. I became very put off by any negativity, fear and judgment around what I was doing and, for the first time in my life, was willing to keep people at an arm’s length distance to protect myself and the work that I was trying to do. It just became clear that if I didn’t raise the bar for how people were allowed to treat me, I was never going to manifest the money I was hoping for. I had to make it clear to the universe and to myself that I was no longer to settle, be that in relationships (romantic and platonic), jobs or money.
Needless to say, I was immensely grateful that the lesson my teacher gave me finally sank in, albeit it took me 3 years to get it! Things always make sense when they’re supposed to. And it was so revolutionary to realize that like with myself, money was a relationship that I could build and strengthen using love and faith.